shingo2008

     D EAR MISS MANNERS: Mysister is hurt because her daughter ;s boyfriend did notinclude her when he asked the dad for their daughter ;shand in marriage. Her boyfriend also asked the dad to go with himto pick up the ring, and he did, and the dad said to everyone, ;We got it ; when they got backhome.    Ourson-in-law asked us to dinner when he asked to marry our daughter.Maybe ours was an unusual situation, but I thought it was nice tobe included.    Whatis the norm? My sister talked to her daughter ;s boyfriendseveral times a week before this happened. She has not talked tohim or returned his phone calls sinceFebruary.    My sisterand niece will be coming in a week, and her fiance lives in ourtown.    GENTLEREADER:  Then perhaps you will have a chance toresolve this ridiculous misunderstanding before it wrecks twofamilies and a wedding. The custom of asking fora lady ;s hand in marriage dates from long before ladieshad the vote, politically or domestically, so the mother was notofficially consulted. Among modern gentlemen who preserve thecustom, some update it to address both parents, and some donot. But it should be remembered that thisprocedure is a mere formality now, when the hand is only too likelyto have been freely given long before, often along with the otherparts. For that matter, it was something of a formality then, wheneven a draconian father was not likely to be able to stand up to adetermined daughter. So the prospectivebridegroom is guilty only of having preserved an anachronisticcustom. If you can explain to your sister that no insult wasintended and get her prospective son-in-law to do the same, youwill have done the family aservice.  A dilemma oftowels DEARMISS MANNERS: A friend lives in an apartment with two bathrooms,only one of which is easily accessible to guests and which servesas the main facility. When she entertains at dinner or a party, shereplaces the bath towel with several hand towels, but ordinarilythere is only one hand towel hanging from a towel ring. She keeps asupply of hand towels on the open shelf of a small table oppositethe wash basin.    Ona casual visit, should one use the hand towel that is obviouslyhers or a fresh one from the shelf?   GENTLEREADER:  Which one is not a matter of great moment,as they were all clearly put out for guest use. What Miss Mannersconsiders inappropriate, not to mention icky, is the guest whoemerges from the bathroom dry-handed, leaving all the towelspristine.;2008 United FeatureSyndicate